HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

Sipping on my Bulletproof Coffee savoring as if a fine wine, the warmth soothing to my body as it is bitter cold here in the South. Pops of a roaring fire from my fireplace orchestrate a melody resounding that Mr. Winter has decided to visit a spell. Relishing in the delightful hue of lights of My Christmas Tree  as it beautifully showcases my ornaments as a work of art. I travel in time to places once visited or to moments shared with someone gifting me that particular ornament as they speak to me, moving me with more than their external beauty.  Powerful moments of reflection as these moments remind me of Hallmark times forgotten. I giggle at all the quips I have seen, those that talk of all that time between Christmas and New Years and chuckle every single time. I have also forgotten what day of the week it was or found myself in a blur of lull. Realizing in these moments of still and quiet, of losing myself in the here and now I am not thirsty and wanting, moreover;  I am basking in an oasis and find fullfilment. Lull is a hiatus, a break, a pause, an interval from the busy norm. Christmas takes it out of me every single year. I think my body is in detox from all the endorphins that were full of Merriment. Liken to gearing up for the big football bowl game you have been engulfed with it is liken to that morning after. We all experience them on different levels and contrasting variables however we all know that moment of now what?! Taking my hiatius if you will after experiencing what my days from being a teenage Daughter claims was her Favorite Christmas, I took my time and as in working out changing the interval level, I did just that this week to prep me for New Years. I have written in past blogs on Resolutions, New Years, and my favorite; my book of 2017. As Chapter Twelve is coming to a close I embrace these moments ever so tightly. Realizing the beauty and wonder these find me in, engulfed in feeling ever so effervesent as the bubbles in our Champagne flute dance with delight, so do these last moments of this year. 

Day 364 of 365 for me is a bittersweet reflection. I see before me the things I did not accomplish or excel at. I also see the things I did and the changes this year brought into my life and I marvel at these all realizing how each moment was a piece to the puzzle, of the bigger picture I was unable to see at the time.  Most importantly looking back over my life book of this past year, I am given the invaluable gift of seeing the struggles and hardships and how now I stand taller and stronger because of them.  I am able to look back as wisdom whispers ever so softly that Life is so much more than one mind could ever perceive or heart would ever be able to contain or possibly Dream. With a heart overflowing with gratitude and love for all of my moments this past year I expect at Midnight to be one of great emotion. The irony of moments throughout my life in which it seemed I had failed, now looking back gauging upon the now I am able to see how I possibly could not, would not be able to Dream the Dreams I have now without those moments I was merely wishing away.  I love seeing all the posts and I am inspired by the peoples passion I follow for living and relishing in all they experienced. Fired up and Power packed adrenaline surges for their New Year and wishes to all who read it. As I sit with my notebook examining resolutions from the past, I cannot help but react with a glimmer in my eye and a smile so mischievious that the ole sly fox is jealous. Wonderment consumes me transporting me into the vast unknown, liken to the astronauts as they take flight into the great vast world while we often times consume ourselves on the small and somewhat petty issues at hand not realizing that our focus becomes reduced and we are inefficient in not only achieving our Dreams and Goals but overachieving becomes reduced to getting by.  As my pen becomes fueled with Magical flair I am delirious when I realize before me is a blank sheet of paper waiting on me. Life is waiting on me. 

I realize I often speak of my Daughter, however her life and my job as her Mother showers me with invaluable nuggets of truth. The relevance of stages in our lives and in pursuit of our Dreams will often not come until we are ready. As I grow older, I am forced to learn to embrace this period of time necessary to allow myself to flourish in ways necessary to be responsible and equipped. How many times have we had our children beg us for things that simply was not their time and the unexplainable mystery of why it is not time is relevent to us when going after our Resolutions and Dreams as well. This picture will be framed and a given reminder for when I miss it with her and also to encourage me to keep going and never give up to dare to follow my Heart. I mentioned in a previous blog about her being on the JV Girls Golf team it was one of those moments I went all in following only my heart and gut with her challenging me all along the way. There were the moments I struggled; it was intense. I was debating and doubting myself asking close friends was I wrong to push her. For Christmas she received a new set of clubs and her High School names bag she will use on the jv team. Understanding my Daughter went out for the tennis team and I believe life would have been just fine had she had made the team. It was one of life's lessons when her friends made it except for her and she took in stride. This is where I saw her all along within the helm of my soul. It has been such an invaluable ridiculously phenomenal joy (and relief) to watch her unfold. Her reasons for challenging me and refusing this notion were figments of her imagination. Ideas and ideals that she has learned were not true and her confidence is growing emitting a beautiful fragrance as a field of flowers. My Daughter learned and taught her Mother lessons to reflect on for times to come. As I mentioned she stated this was her Favorite Christmas but what I didn't share was us on Christmas Night with my Family. While we dined on a Feliz Navidad Menu, My Daughter, Camille went around the table asking everyone what was their most special gift. Want to take a gander at what she had to say? Everyone at the table errupted in cheers, clapping and hooting with emotion so intense it was spewing from her as a gyser. 

As we bask in the last hours of this year may we take the time to look over our lists and measure them with our Hearts. May we all raise our glass and erase the negative notions that people, society itself and most of all ourselves try to sway our Passion. With a heart full of Gratitude as I sing Old Lang Syne I am overcome with thankfulness of all of life's experiences this past year and the many years before. The Wonderment of Life is what is to come and the ability to not only Dream the Impossible but to live them. 

Happy Merry New Year xoxo 

I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

Working out today Micheal Jackson's Don't Stop til you Get Enough came on and in a moment it is as if I appeared on the red carpet as the velvet rope was opening for me as the door opened  the door man smiled calling me by name. He said they had been waiting for me to arrive. It was my very own Studio 54 the lights were dim; allowing the inside warmth to embrace me. Lights flickered from all directions harmoniously in sync with the music that played. Everyone there was friendly smiling as if we knew one another knodding our heads some lifting their hands to wave exchanging conversations between our hearts and souls without a word being uttered. I was drawn to the dance floor moving simultaneously to the beat of the music that played. I looked up as if the melody placed a finger under my chin and the D.J. and I smiled at one another. I found myself picking up a headset, putting it on and adjusting the controls before me. Allowing the beat to drive my mood to keep this party going as to choose the given tunes to keep the energy strong within our midst. I liken this to Life and our daily drive to Dream. What is poignant to me in this instance and M.J.'s song, we have the opportunity to say what is enough.  Not our situations, circumstances, friends nor bystanders. Most importantly, our feelings alone are not in authority, liken as to be our workout partner and hold us responsible. Imagine being in the midst of an intense workout; our feelings alone might tell us to slow down or to stop because we have simply had enough. In essesence we were on the cusp of new limits and soaring new heights. 

I believe Christmas is the Grand Finale to our Year excluding New Years Eve of course. Somehow New Years got to piggy back on all this lingering Holiday embodies. I not only celebrate the birth of Jesus during this Holiday I see it as a new beginning; because of  my faith and what I believe His birth represents. I am compelled year after year to strive as the approaching New Year draws near that somehow, somewhere I am able to be more. To do more. That somewhere in the midst of it all, it no longer is able to suffice. Perhaps I have experienced growth. Maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder is correct when she was quoted as saying, "We are better throughout the year for having, in Spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time." I find it an Honor to reflect upon my childhood not only with my Mom but as I stated last blog about my Grandmother's.  They presented me with that everlasting gift to enjoy and share especially during Christmas. Sometimes we reflect upon our past and want to yield a different crop. Oftentimes now my Daughter will strut her independance as the less than a month away teenager and only put a dozen ornaments on her tree in her bedroom because I pack way too many on mine. I giggle wondering how many times I must have said the same only to find myself many years later wishing I could have a manual for how these Ladies did things. All in all, may I be one of her many extremes as the points in a star for her to balance between finding what is her.  As I have overdosed this Holiday in Hallmark movies, I realize sometimes life events have caused us to close off a part of ourselves or lose our way in the Magic this Season truly holds. I think of that song It only takes a spark to get a fire going.... and soon all those around, will warm up to it's glowing. Christmas Magic is unleashed within the each of us when we emit that force to ignite all those we encounter. 

Christmas at Grannie and Papa's growing up was completely opposite of Gran and Grandaddy's. I am utterly grateful for the contrast for it found me dabbling between the two extremes in life as I am as flighty as a Bohemian gal yet grounded and rooted with the passion for depth. Christmas Eve at Grannie's was a fabulous party. My Mother is one of seven children so just their immediate family was quite the gathering. Grannie's Home was opened up to extended family friends, neighbors and friends of friends who arrived as mere strangers but always left embraced and revered as Family. I always found this utterly charming and endearing. These Grandparents lived about three and half hours away in Panama City, Florida and as we drew closer my Heart would anticipate and long for how the evening would go. As an old comfy sweater or worn in blue jeans or jacket, it was soothing not only to reminise on these times but being in the midst; for it was Home. I can still smell her Home after all of these years and hear the chatterings of the people that stood shoulder to shoulder filling their spacious home. Being led by the aroma from the foods that lined her table spilling over and flooding her kitchen. I would step up into her dining room out of the living room there was more food than imaginable. Year after Year the recipes you grew fond of anticipating beautifully displayed before you, sighing as eyes closed as that first taste of Christmas hit your palate.  Grannie always got up and performed a childhood skit from somewhere in her youth. The piano was played by an aunt where another would help lead us in carols. My uncles would gather and sing quartet. All was Merry and Bright. Laughter and Joy were in attendance in big measure. We have Dance Parties on Christmas Night with my Family it has become Tradition gifted by Grannie from Christmas with her and making it my own as I celebrate me Home. To this day I stay up til the wee hours in the morning dancing in my kitchen,  baking Family favorites from my Grannie's; each year adding to the list. In an instant I am a child again. However there is more, I am looking into the most beautiful pool of blue eyes that I am imparting this sense of Wonder. The Wonderment of Life is never stopping or believing and in this Season, in the Spirit of a child; to lose ourselves in Christmas Magic at every age. 


Amy Grant sings these lyrics and my gift to you, My Grown Up Christmas List. 
Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown up now
and still need help somehow
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream.
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas List
Not for myself, but for a world in need
No more lives torn apart,
Then wars would never start
and time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win 
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown-up Christmas List 
Merry Merry xoxo

PRANCE AND DANCE

Sitting on the floor of my attic drinking in the Christmas decorations that surround me, savoring as a fine wine as if I am swirling my glass then inhaling, indulging in the aroma of the wine then sipping, allowing it to slip through my lips swirling in my mouth noting the body and bouquet,  determining if it is more complexed or is there that sense of elegance and completeness which is the hallmark of a great wine calling it balanced. I gaze over all these decorations allowing them to speak to me to inspire my being as to how to showcase them; deciding what will make the cut this year and what will I leave stored. With my Daughter an official teenager next month I have a growing portion that she has undoubtably outgrown, I feel my heart tingle as I pick up a few and as if the doorman ushered me into the days of old it is liken to a slideshow playing in my mind my chest warms and the tears well up as I smile from deep within my being. Reflecting not only of my Daughter's Christmases but of my own as well as this time of year for in my world you have Jesus' Birthday, Santa Claus, Mom, my Daughter and my two Grandmother's. Gran was the epitomy of Christmas Magic in live form. These Grandparents of mine lived away, so we didn't get to see them often but when you did they were filled with moments to last a lifetime. I believe it is predominantly because of her Heart. She wore it out there on her sleeve loud and proud. She was a tiny little woman short and weighing about eighty five pounds and truly a gift to me in every way. She poured herself into me from baking with me to marathon telephone talks since I was a toddler, to letters by the truckload writing me stories of her daily things that came to mind drawing me into her world with every letter drawn. Wooing me with her playful spunky personality she made the mondane extraordinary. 

Gran's letters were mostly of walking to the market with one of her Sisters and her daily routines that filled her day but she was taking me with her all the while unbeknowst to me, she was pouring into me that desire to write because of my escapades with her through her letters. Distance was no longer an issue instantly we were drawn together in the most beautiful of ways; from our Hearts as she was sharing with me what is my greatest passion today, my Home. Not to be confused with my House, and although I love my House dearly; Home is my Heart. Gran beautifully lived out the saying, Home is where the Heart is. She was Home to me and still is today. My Daughter and I now make ornaments like Gran used to and I bake in excess having all night baking sessions dancing and singing in the kitchen and I know Gran is in every move I make. Growing up I cannot recall one Christmas present I ever received from her purchased, but she is Christmas to me and fuels my passion of this Season beckoning as she whispers within the smallest of things for they became mighty as they were fueled with all her Soul. We would receive care packages from Gran at Christmas, filled with canned pickles, jams, jellies, candies, cookies, homemade dolls and ornaments and the like of these things.  The value on her carepackages were immense and still hold high as the best gifting. At Christmas we can easily lose our way if we are not careful as in daily life itself and miss the treasure of the moment by being real and authentic while moving by the very rhythm of our own heartbeat and impact others as my Gran. 

Notice in these pictures both Gran and my Mom have their eyes on us in every picture and I find myself noting they are on either side of us, surrounding us as if by design.  They were honed in like my favorite song by Chase Rice, "Eyes on You" channeling their very souls pouring out as that fine blended wine. "I was waiting on something exceptional," is one of my favorite lines in a beloved movie.  Exceptional defined is surpassing what is common, usual or expected.  We have just a few more weeks in Chapter Twelve of the Year 2017. There is still time to dust off those Resolutions and Dreams that were inside of you around this time last year and undoubtably a few new ones. What a gift for yourself to reflect and revamp where needed. As we beautify our Homes with the glow of lights and beloved smells of the best time of the year,allow yourself to drift back to the days of old and see just what life has taught you. Moreover, what people have taught you and shaped your being without realizing you were even under construction.  The Wonderment of Life is  realizing that the exceptional are moments intensified with our very being exuding such raw and undeniable realness that transforms the common into the uncommon. People are our greatest gifts and I believe that everyone is placed purposefully in our paths liken to the journey to Oz. Dorothy while following her Dream came across the others not by mere chance. These days are full of wonder and Magic they are in all of the songs, the movies, it is the twinkle in the eye of every one you meet. My Grandmother's taught me that Christmas Magic lives way beyond childhood and they lived it out until their final days and shared with us their families the best present to believe and relish in Christmas Magic. 

I will share about my Grannie next blog irronically polar opposite but perfection implored as they graced my life and gave me the gift that keeps on giving for a lifetime. We would alternate Christmas with the each of them and today my Christmas season is intertwined with the beauty of the both of these souls. As you sit by your fire and bask in the beauty of this Season, take a trip within your own soul and unleash that force within you that was designed to run free full of meaning to be felt. What is it you truly want to feel and see this Christmas? As I always say this time of year, anything is possible if you believe....  Turn this song up to ten, I guarantee you will be dancing and showering those all around you with your own magic... the perfect gift, your very heart and soul.
                                Merry Merry xoxo

EUCHARISTEO (THANKSGIVING)

Throwing the ball for my dog to fetch as I lie on the sofa pouring over recipes of days gone by, my mind laden with cold medicine I close my eyes hoping to find relief to my stuffy head and achy body.  I allow my mind to roam as emotions are flowing , I truly believe that everyday should be Thanksgiving and the day itself has never been that poignant for me. Over the years I would volunteer to various places emboding the gift of giving to others from a heartfelt  gratitude of all that I had to be well thankful for but this year with me being sick I was unable to get out there for fear of spreading it to another. My mind recalls Thanksgivings of past as a slideshow of memories engulf me. I recall being a teenager and coming home from Downtown feeding the homeless. The intoxicating aromas lavishly flowed, billowing from the kitchen as I stepped inside of Home. I breathe in now as I close my eyes,  if only I could possibly dare to drink in that moment again, not just of the fragrance but that irreplaceable gift of Home. I believe it was that year or shortly soon after, being the last that Mom was ever able to cook leading our Thanksgiving meal as the Matriarch to our little Family. Perhaps that year was more piercing just coming into what seemed like a palace after being with those who did not have Homes or food as we did. Understanding that we too did not have a lot monitarily as my Mom was left unaided by my Dad to provide for us yet we rarely noticed it in hindsight. I remember how she would have that twinkle in her glorious big green eyes when she dazzled her beautiful smile unveiling those large pearly white teeth when at times she would playfully invite my childhood friend Tracey over for Dinner as we would be having "pretend roast"; it was the cheaper meat but we dined as if it were the finest in the land. What I now know flash forward to today raising my own Daughter it is my rendition of back to the future I realize it is all of these moments of life my Daughter will be remembering on her Thanksgivings looking back. 

This year my Mom said with me being sick let's just pick up our meal and enjoy it so I can rest. Quickly and firmly without any hesitation I dispelled that notion and said the show must go on! I am now about to go to the Grocery to gather our items and I do not believe I have ever been more giddy about cooking and baking just living this moment of Thanksgiving Eve and setting the table for those family members who will join us tomorrow. Looking over the old recipes my Mom's handwriting is engraved on my Soul my eyes  tear up as her penmanship is rather poor these days but what delight I find in admiring these. I asked my Godchild and Daughter the other day what do they want me to make, he is twenty one and rattled off our oldies but goodies, it was truly a gift, realizing these are now part of his heritedge of Thanksgiving and somehow I am part of this and for that I am overwhelmed with Gratitude. Perhaps it is the cold medicine or perhaps I am having an encounter with the true spirit of Gratitude in Thanksgiving this year but I feel stout hearted and solid as in our Pilgrims and Indians in the first Thanksgiving for my heart is full and happily content. I am feeling the Spirit of my Grandmother's who are no longer here alive within my being, catching glimpses of moments with them both in their kitchens back to where they soulfully prepared our meals. You could never eat enough to suffice them they always wanted to serve you more, the more you ate the happier they were! Them in their kitchens was poetry in motion; it was liken to making music it moved you from the earliest of years, I truly believe often times when we follow certain recipes to the detail but something just isn't the same, I believe it was that passion they invoked. Today I realize, I can make a meal, then I can make a meal. Perhaps it is the tenacity within me churning away to muster up the needed stamina to whip this up but there is an awakening in the depths of my Soul and I can tell you it is like I have never encountered. I believe as I have been searching within my own definements I have uncovered so much more. 

As the Indians and the Pilgrims were searching for their new found life let us stop and explore that which we are earnestly seeking that maybe no one may even know but it whispers in the night or it yells over the crowd watching the football game it is imminently there and as that delicious aroma beckoned me from my Mother's kitchen, teasing and tempting my nose it led me by a powerful force an unction to follow. Our First Thanksgiving is a beautiful reminder to dare to Dream and follow after those desires that tell you there is more. We all are on the path to something new and on a quest to follow after our Hearts to come together and regardless of our differences, embracing the things that bind us together from our roots; our Hearts.  

I saw this today and anyone who knows me understands how poetically correct this is of me. I live for fun and depth of meaning and I utterly despise the boring and mondane. The Wonderment of Life is being able to sit; regardless of your choice of meal we have the opportunity to dine as special as our First Thanksgiving Forefathers. May we stop and reflect with Hearts full of Gratitude of all we have and all we are to be. Whether your task is picking up the wine or flowers may you as our Grandmother's soul cooking infused our food with delicious heartfelt ingredients may you exude that to those you share your Thanksgiving with to create an unforgettable memory and if we are lucky it will continue long thereafter the Holiday. The picture at the top of my Daughter and I was her 5 years ago, in second grade on Thanksgiving Eve where she served at our Camellia Ball to the Debutantes where it is framed in my Dining Room and found it timely to share. What awakens within me as this seems like merely yesterday when in essence it was half her life ago. Life is ever changing and we too must move with it but never away from our Hearts as the very thing that we are implored by Shakesphere "To thine own Self (Heart) be True." Happy Thanksgiving xo

PERCEPTION VS REALITY

I lean in with all the weight of my body pushing the door as tightly closed as possible on Halloween decorations, eyes scrunched tightly closed mouth pursed and my body stiffens as I start to release my weight wincing in the thought of the door bursting open and Halloween bellowing from this closet. My body straightens and my head perks up with delight as I pat my hands with satisfaction that alas I had succeeded. One of my favorite things about decorating for any given Holiday is the immsense anticipation that overcomes me as I try to take a gander of the days ahead and what just might lie within them and also; in the taking down of these decorations it is a time of reflection for me, of the moments and memories that now make these items more beloved and evermore special. It isn't merely the fact we love each of these items for the given Holiday we celebrated, moreover it is the giggling as we unpack and thought provoking place as we recount the stories these items hold, eyes twinkling with wonder of what is to come. I am in the process of pulling out Christmas and I am one who still believes in Christmas Magic where anything is possible. I shall leave my Dining Room in tact with the Thanksgiving theme and splashes of our heartfelt gratitude laced within Christmas around. My heart is merry and excitement bubbles up as my percolator coffee maker hums as it brews our special blend for one of my favorite words has been and shall always be Gratitude. I have written about this in past blogs and pray it will always be the unspoken presence within my words and actions. It is as when the knob is turned on the propane tank unleashing from within it's container to light my firepit so shall our actions and words ignite when fueled with this powerful force. 

In this beautiful holiday approaching of Thanksgiving, my thoughts focus on how the Pilgrims and the Indians came together and Celebrated. What I find for me in my life and in my Home with my Daughter is they Celebrated their uniqueness. I love this picture because it shows the serving of one another, despite their differences. Their differences were many but poetically they wove together a glorious tapestry of History that is still revered today. In fact History teaches us it was in 1621 that the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Indians gathered in Plymouth for an autumn harvest celebration that is now regarded as the "first Thanksgiving." 

A week or so ago I was in a meeting with my Leaders from my Girls Non Profit Group. These are dynamic young women, spellbounding leaders in the making and already trailblazing in their Schools and Community. I often find myself taking notes from them, as I believe they too are doing with one another. That is where the power of our connection came that evening. In a moment of me pointing out certain girls who were the President of their Senior Class, Azalea Trail Maid another, Tennis Player and Cheerleaders giggling broke out. I stopped in mid sentance my smile could not be contained as I took a gander by asking what was so funny. They were giggling because who I thought was a cheerleader didn't make it this year. I felt so small and horrified that I might have embarrassed her when indeed, they grinned from ear to ear. I attested that is where their power would undoubtably come; it was from them not making it. It was as if the beavers had went on strike and that dam burst loose with waters rushing fervently. Our conversations and hearts were interwoven as you see the doves or tiny birds who fly with the ribbon to Snow Whites hair. The chatterings were turned up to ten as hands were going up and smiles around as we were able to all unmask where we don't always have it all or missed the mark.  I know my hand went up as well and we came together in such a way smiles everywhere with everyone able to be free to be themselves. We all agreed what a sensation this was that needed to be shared amongst the girls on each of their teams because daily we are all striving to obtain our own goals, dreams and following after the unique beat of our own heart. Some needing to be coaxed to begin or get back to it, regardless, encouraging one another by our own fears, limitations and sometimes failures. The Wonderment of Life is despite it all to keep going fervently wholeheartedly within the scope of your own vision to seek that which sets your Soul on fire. Man or Woman, regardless of the age.   

I find myself today as I type this blog in the midst of a beautiful season, that within the depths of my Daughter. I only know how much she has changed her almost thirteen years and I cannot begin to phathom all the changes ahead. I find myself as these teen years impeed that in one split second I am holding tighter to the reigns yet in the next, loosening them for her to run. All the while keeping  the gentle nudges and sometimes kicks to get her back on track. The path I refer to in this instance is her staying true to who she is and what she is passionate about. She went out for the high school jv tennis team and she does enjoy this sport and she played with such a passion it was seen and felt however she lacked the practiced skills. Alas, she did not make the team however; we decided to stick with it and keep practicing and playing elsewhere and try out again next year if she felt so to do..... only requirement, don't give up. I wanted her to go for golf from the beginning, but I was dismissed quicker than yesterdays news. I circled back around and made the calls and contacts to see if it was still an option to have her play. She fought me like a wild horse that refused to be saddled at first. You see my Daughter enjoys playing but feels it isn't "cool" to play it wasn't that she did not want to play but how others would view her. She is now learning how so incorrect her preceptions and notions were from them.  Knowing my Daughter as I do often over the years of dropping her off at golf practice the entire way there she bellowed of how much she disliked this sport yet every single time when I picked her up she beamed and boasted of how much she loved it. So I explained to her I guard her heart with all I have but I truly felt she had to go for this just to see what comes of it. She is now a part of the JV Girls Golf Team at her upcoming High School.  She is now becoming less skeptical and finding fellow friends who share this interest. She is starting to get that twinkle in her eyes and I am overwhelmed with the Gratitude that Life is full of wonder. 

I dedicate today's  blog to the Life and Memory of my second Daughter, Claire Hope Oct 3-2006 - Nov 28-2006 who eloquently taught me the power of today and living real and authentically. As we go into Thanksgiving this year to Celebrate with our Family and Friends may we permeate the gift of Gratitude in such a fresh and personal way from the depths of our very own Hearts and Soul and serve those around us, celebrating who they are as we all chase our Dreams and Goals that just might too go down in History as the Pilgrims and the Indians. This is The Wonderment of Life. 

TIPTOE THROUGH THE TULIPS

Scrambling down my ladder feet in tune of Marky Mark's Good Vibrations that just came on my speaker, I reach for the remote and as I rewind the song to restart it, my head just nods in sheer satisfaction and I cannot contain myself from the energy and emotion as I pump up the volume.  As a soap opera stare comes over me and a smile that draws from deep within, giggling as I board this magic carpet ride for in a sheer moment it takes me back to days of old and my cd I still have, Jock Jams. My Daughter who is almost thirteen has this on her phone as well as it is a favorite in both our playlists. The feeling is electric and gets my Soul to moving not just in past time but in present day time in the here and now as if declaring unto this dusty living room I am cleaning to take note that I am at large and in charge of this moment, my moment; feeling that vibration that is oh so good free to be me.  One of the things that I truly desire as part of my Legacy is my desire for living in the moment and making those moments matter to continue on.  Perhaps it is my Destiny as the series of events occuring shaping my life as a young high school girl taking care of her Mother who was extremely ill and society was not quite ready to embrace her disease; if it truly ever will be. I learned how important the mood or tone of our Home (heart)  was as it could be downtrodden or depressing at times so I learned the power of celebrating the here and now. Flash forward to me in my late thirties and my second child is terminal given perhaps eight weeks to live, but daily it was uncertain if today would be her day to go....liken as to when you stop and truly appreciate this moment, your moment, none of ours are certain; we just simply take for grandit it will be. Furthermore I believe this is what leads us to miss the ordinary, perhaps by chance, coincidence moments that were laced with all the depth our souls search for.

When I first started blogging I titled this as I did for this very reason. Life is full of Wonder and Wonderments as George Strait sings I saw God today, this is my variation, my call to take hold of the here and now to unleash your passion of your dreams within your heart;  writing out into the unknown as my messages in a bottle to drift to the shores and into the hands in hopes to inspire and move those who read my words. As  I have written in past blogs, the good, the bad and the ugly moments are quintessential realizing that perhaps only in the looking back will those hard times be appreciated for without them you would not be  where they escorted you. Realizing you were ushered here only because of those moments. I read something the other day that goes along perfectly, 
"If you are only looking for God in the spectacular, you'll miss Him in the ordinary." Ordinary is not an accepted description in my vocabuary describing any element of my life... or -perhaps I am referring to only part of it's definiton because as defined as an adjective part is as I speak of to be bland or common however, it goes on to define it as inferior in quality, deficient. So go back and read that quote and replace it with deficient in quality and it truly ressonates.  It is when I stop to appreciate and drink in the here and now allowing it to permeate my being I am transformed. In a day in which we find ourselves unable to relish in these moments of Halloween the real meaning of the eve of all Saints Day on November first and All Souls day on November second which is a holy day of obligation for us Catholics and very special to anyone who has lost someone dear to them; because, immediately your attention is taken to Christmas being decked around the stores it is as if Society has missed the dearest meaning of life; the here and now. Right now. As in playing my Daughter in tennis I have learned that if I concentrate on my hitting the ball and following through all the way, then after my follow through do I move to prepare for the rallied return of the ball I will be ever more effective.  I believe with every fiber of my being we are where we are by design and our passion and dreams are what fuels the magic to make that carpet take flight for us to ride. 

I find myself exstatic to go see Ferdinand the movie as I have always adored the story of him. I have enjoyed listening to Nick Jonas singing the song Home to this soundtrack. When I think of Home I think of homebase as I stayed up late watching the World Series the other night wrapped up in the intoxicating enthrallment of watching not only the players run to it but their team mates in cheering them on and enjoying that moment celebrating. I too felt as if I had crossed that base. I think of the Home team football game as I was cheering last night for my Daughter to cheer for her boys in school's football team celebrating those moments to hallmark plays (and phenomenal cheerleaders of course). Above all when I think of Home, it is always undeniably my Heart and where life was truly lived.  The saying could never be more bona fide, unquestionable or factual;  Home is where the Heart is. Perhaps I would still be this Celebrating Sensation of Moments and following your Dreams nonetheless, however, I am solid and fortified after building my life  with the added given variables that seasoned me. 

Ferdinand shows us that just because he was a Bull, he did not have to act as one,moreover,  he inspired us all by merely following his heart. We are made to be uniquely wholeheartedly who we are regardless of anything external. Often times when I feel out of place because I am driven to follow my passion in my heart I chuckle and feel so invariably satisfied as I picture big ole Ferdinand happy as can be sitting under the tree smelling his beloved flowers.  I love the movie The Blindside when Sandra Bullock realized how Micheal Oar was too Ferdinand (we all are in fact) and channeled his passion, leading his heart by him playing football like what his dream in his heart was, his family. May we all live in such a way that as these examples showed great determination to be who they truly were inside to the very depths of their Soul; henceforth making the vibrations in their lives good and inspiring those around them as well. The Wonderment of Life is being able to feel the good vibrations where there were none. Often times I am grabbing my jumper cables in the ordinary times  to crank it up being charged from a deeper force that unleashes my Heart with Passion liken to a lamp that merely is a pretty decorative piece until it is turned on in the dark. May we all light up our worlds this weekend finding delight and satisfaction in clicking our ruby red slipper heels together and whisper there is no place like home... our hearts. 

The picture I chose at the top is special and relevant to this blog because it was in the midst of a cheer game my Daughter yells out from the field to me in the stands and unctions for me to go take a picture of the sky. I missed that moment at first, I chuckled to those around me not getting what the fuss was about but when I got to where she beckoned for me to stand and take the picture I beheld the beauty not just of that sky but of her heart. Do not miss your moment of the here and now regardless where it finds you as her in the midst of cheering her heart was searching for so much more in her moment. She yearned to be blown away or inspired to feel good vibrations. The call to look deeper for more than a moment; well done my child, alas she succeeded. 

UNANSWERED PRAYERS

Fall is truly in the air, in such an exceptional force as if you could reach out and touch it. I would give anything to be able to spend many days this time of year when the leaves have peaked in the Mountains.  My bucketlist has places  somewhere different for me like Vermont or  Massachusetts, but would always return to my favorites where my heart is fond in North Carolina and Tennessee. Perhaps rent a convertable and just drive, drinking in the glorious colors as a psychedelic kaleidoscope, mulitcolored vibrant hues, so rich and intense as if the Mountains and tree tops are speaking audibly to you; beckoning you as your eyes are drinking in the bewitching beauty of Nature. Cool air blows through your hair as if resusitating you, reaching over to bring your jacket a little tighter closed, air so crisp you can hear it snap. Melodies of creatures singing beautiful ballads as if choreographed by the most skilled Maestros. My mind is frozen as if the train derailed in my brain that this majesty I behold became by these trees being themselves in order for these masterpieces to be unleashed and relvealed. In a world that demands we twist and contort ourselves in order to be the "norm" ideal, at the least accepted;  I find it incredibly liberating to bask in the moment and just be. 

Often times we mistake what "be" defines; we think of it like cruising, laid back, moreover, the definition of be is to exist, or live and Shakesphere's quote "to be or not to be," that is the ultimate question follows in the definition. In order to fully obtain our Dreams as I have mentioned; I have become acutely aware that our Dreams have to be fueled from the Heart with the breezy movement of Life as the trees that are fluidly moving not rigid and harnessed. Just as the Horse is something to marvel when the saddle is taken off and the Horse is free to run with their Mane blowing in the wind and you see the muscles as they stride, marveling in the beauty of their motion as they prance and dance. So our Dreams should be so inate within our Souls that as we move to obtain them people are moved, inspired by our Passion. Just as the leaves harmouniously change and beautifully work together creating a breathtaking view that moves you to the depth of your core. These trees were simply being who they were created to be. Blooming the colors emitting  their beauty not trying to be another color or shade. The Horse is not rigid in movement when it is free to run, moreover you are moved and amazed as you see them. My favorite time of  horseback riding is when the Horses get cranked up because they know they are close to Home. It kicks my adrenaline up a notch as I too can relate after a long day and sensing Home is near. 

I have never been one to follow the crowd, I'm the one who was always swimming upstream opposite often times. Even today at fifty. I see when someone disapproves, but this isn't their life it is mine. I am the one who will be responcible when I am sitting there having my Life read to me reminding me of my Story as in the Notebook. For me that is empowering and it unleashes within me swirls of energy that  fuel my being to conquer that which I desire. My Daughter is watching me and my choices in everyway dealing with my Lifestyle and I want her to be rooted so far deep as these glorious trees that when it is her time to "turn" as these leaves it is marveled and noted that it is her own uniqeness her heart and soul that shines out. Not the Dream Job, Dream Vacation, Dream Man (or Woman), Dream Family, Dream Home, etc etc that define her. Our Dreams are only to enhance that who our Core consists or we will find ourselves obtaining Dreams but rigid, unhappy, empty and unfullfilled. Recently, Hurricane Nate took down one of our Water Oaks from the roots, as it went down it took parts of two others beside it and crashing down on my fountain in the front yard. I was devestated and it felt as if the bones in my body had broken. After a few moments, I wiped the tears from my eyes and chose to be like those glorious trees and Horses and said, "lets roll Tammy,"  I went out and stopped the chainsaw worker and instructed him of my plan. It was effortless but beautiful. These men even teared up at the plan, because they saw my Heart and Passion. They do this all day every day, but these trees were different because they were mine and they knew it. 

Now I have these Chargers for my Dining Table and me, my Daughter and our Guests who dine at our table will be able to drink in the beauty of our trees...just in a new way. Moreover, these trees that were rooted most of all in my Heart will be used this evening for thirty High School students for their Homecoming Dinner as Chargers adorning their Dining Tables at a friends Home. Timing being played out so perfectly as I was finishing this blog my friend just so happened to text me pictures. I could not hold back the tears, one the timing is always right if we just hang on and keep on keeping on and two, I may not have ever seen my trees look more beautiful. 

I will keep so many chargers for myself; and I have creative friends who flow in their own ingeniuity helping me think of what to add to finish these to gift. The most beautiful part of all of this is that one day, long way down the road, my Daughter will be fifty and sharing with her own Family and friends setting a glorious table with these chargers from trees from her yard and tell stories that come to mind of her and her Home. The Wonderment of Life is, sometimes just what we think is our Dream was just part of the Story. Go after those Dreams but don't hold to them for your identity, you are more than the Dreams. People aren't wowed at the Dreams as much as when they are immersed and fueled with the Heart and Soul. That is what is awe inspiring so take that saddle off and follow your Heart as those Horses when Home (that is where your Dreams are kept always in our Hearts)  is in sight and run in a way of not only reaching your goal but changing others along the way. What truly is amazing is that my fallen trees will be shared in such a new way with people that would have never seen them in my yard, emitting the heart and passion I possess of my Home. Same to be said of you so let the wind blow and enjoy the breezes life brings and yes, even those strong winds, however; keep going after those Dreams even when they seem like they will never Happen or have crashed just like my trees.  I challange you to see where they take you if you keep your Heart and Soul rooted within the Core of who you are. The Notebook Movie became our Dream Life only after all the wind blew and Life happened to them; so just be... only you...The most Glorious Wonderment of Life. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cqlL4r0was