Sitting waiting on my car to be serviced, I sit in a corner at a restaurant nearby. I am captivated by the people I am watching. Listening to their conversations I cannot help but smile. I liken this to driving in neighborhoods at dark. You are able to get a glimpse inside and the inquisitiveness of a little child is unleashed. Perhaps I stood in line too long in the wonderment department but I am a slave to it. An unexpected giggle erupts. Someone turned to look at me, I just smiled and exchanged some conversation. Some of these people are regulars and the employees know their order before they speak. An older couple stand holding hands. My eyes tear up as I wonder their story. We all have a story. Some are comedy, others full of drama and then you have the horror stories. Most times we all are a little bit of all. I am certain some are wondering about me. Why have I been sitting here for hours snuggled in as if I live here? I have set up shop for certain. My soul craves connection. I feel as if I am an onion and my layers have been pulled back. The layers you no longer need. A Friend sent me pictures of a trip we took when I turned Fifty. It was perfect in every way. In fact, my fifties have been more than I could have imagined. Not perfect mind you, but an unbeliveable journey back to Me. The music that plays in this restaurant is as if I am being sung to like a friend of mine who sings. He is gifted like his Mother that regardless of how many people are in the audience, you feel as if he is playing just to you. That is the secret I think. Making people connect with you. I recently, have dated a lot now in my single life. It has been comedic lined with drama; seasoned with suspense and a whole lot scary. To start over is difficult with anything. However, when it comes to your Heart; it is horrific. Since being divorced I can spot the individuals who like me are battle wounded. Unfortunately society and social media convinces us we must move on to another. And quickly. I being that obstinate fish that is driven to swim upstream, I took time to heal. Taking Tammy time is not something I am generally good at. Fortunately, when it really mattered, I came through.
This journey of mine has an audience of one. She is watching me like a hawk. Again that causes me to quake in my boots. My only desire is that she is proud of me. The Woman that I am, not just her Mother. She is my greatest fan. The most honest harshest critic. To be dating as my Daughter is approaching dating is surreal. Not the life I thought I was going to have most certain. It is even better. I have regained the sense of strength and I am satisfyingly happy. My Daughter and I have a couple of trips we are taking the next couple of weeks. I am completely terrified to take my Daughter over Thanksgiving in our Pop Up Camper I bought some months ago. First trip. The knots pull tighter in my stomach at the mere thought of it. I have made our reservations for the camp sight. I am learning beyond measure. I cannot recall when I was this scared. It means I am doing the right thing. My Daughter's Father told me he was so proud of me for doing this. I realized, I was proud of me. Teenagers are a hard sell oftentimes and I have done my best to prepare her. It is not as lavish as she is accustomed but somehow I know this will better her. The wonderment is that is us too. These times that seem difficult to embrace change. Uncomfortable. The truth is, I have been bettered too.
We had one of our Distinguished Young Women stay with us last weekend. She is a student at Yale and personality beyond belief. We leave tomorrow to visit another one at Clemson and we are completely giddy. Amazing the connection and love we have for them. She is on the dance team and we cannot wait to go to the game and watch her do that which sets her soul on fire. That is the thing. How many are actually living with their souls set on fire? I look around the room and wonder how many of them are. I am not fully yet; but you better believe I am in hot pursuit to that which does. A gentleman sat down at my table. I peered over my laptop questioning his choice of seat. In order to find out; I closed my laptop, smiled and said "well hello" inviting and cheerfully. For I had been making friends during this visit. He asked me what I was doing. I told him writing. He said it suits you. Your countenance was lit up with a welcoming smile and cheeks all flushed as if excited. I was drawn to you and wanted to say hello. He is 92 and he lost his wife a couple of weeks ago. I teared up and touched his hand across the table. The waitress brought him his food and he was just getting up to go to another table. I jumped up and said please stay and join me. I would like to visit some more and hear more of your stories with Gloria. Herb smiled. Nodding his head and wiped his eye with his handkerchief. I just made a wonderful connection with a new friend. He is moving into assisted living next week. I shall go and visit him when he is settled. I could relate in so many ways to the changes he is facing. I sure learned a lot today with my unexpected visitor. Trembling, I let go of all that I do not want or need. Just like that onion. Moreover, my fire was stoked by my new connection and my soul has never shined brighter. This is the Wonderment of Life. xo
