The Waiting Game

I have this picture framed, it is one of my most favorites...ever. It was days before having my first child and when I look at this picture, I go back instantly with every emotion felt back then, they  flood my heart and bring a tear to my eye and a smile upon my lips. Not just because I thought I was about to meet this miracle that had captured my heart, but a dream and desire of mine was finally coming true about thirty-something years later. What came to my mind yesterday when I saw this was; all of us have dreams, goals, desires that burn so deep within us that if we don't reach them we just might smother out our truest self. Not all take the allotted time, but some do. And sometimes those my friend are the sweetest. When you hear me go on and on about being a Mother, trust me I am not over obsessed with this role mind you, ok maybe I am. However, when you realize what I had to go through to get here, and the times I felt like it just won't possibly EVER come true, it did. For those of you who know me, know how terribly ill I was pregnant. Oh my, it was ugly. If I didn't take that Zofran  to help combat the sickness, I was a mess. I would still get ill, just not as severe. Couldn't leave the house. It would just be routine, me getting sick before coming in to a restaurant I would tell whoever was with me, I would see them in a moment. You would think I was the most miserable person ever, and I was on one hand, but it would just be a moment, then BOOM, that smiled popped on my face and I knew that I was willing to go through whatever to see this dream come about and I wasn't gonna miss one moment. I would still be carrying her to this day if I could. I enjoyed my pregnancy more than you could possibly imagine. Why? Because, I was living the dream. My dream. I was in a moment that besides all the sickness, every day, all day, for nine months;  I was embarking on the most surreal moments of my life and I savored it all. Oh, how if we could look at our own lives with dreams and goals we are trying to reach we could set our eyes not on the moment that isn't so fabulous, but on where we are intending to be or go. It would make it more worth while and enjoyable if we could. Perhaps, that is the truest part of the dreams coming to reality. What I mean is, let's say  you are in school to receive this certain degree. Yet for this amount of years, it is intimidating that you might ever graduate. Sometimes you are counting down the years, weeks, days but your goal is in sight none the less. But these steps to graduation are necessary. 

We all should always have goals, dreams, expectations in life I feel or where is the excitement? Where is the flair that makes your life worth anything more than bland? I feel like sometimes I am Lucille Ball, just a silly woman with no real plan to others.  But how much fun (and trouble) did that red headed woman have? I realize it was a television show, however, if you truly paid attention, she always had a plan. She was after something.... hmmmm something to ponder. 

I am just using my dream of Motherhood as one example in my life. But what stands out to me is, the nine months is there for a reason. Sometimes it is more like years or a lifetime but do not give up. There is a reason for what we think is a delay. One of my reasons for my delay I just have to share! I am "Mammy" to six children that changed the course of my life forever. Now they are impacting my daughter's life. I just know I couldn't have had what I have had with each of them had I had been a Mother myself all that time. Here is my Christmas present from them this past Christmas. Incredibly Special to me and I would like to share with you...

http://www.smilebox.com/playBlog/4e4445784d5455304e54453d0d0a&blogview=true

See? I am okay with the timing of becoming a Mother...now, as I look back. My daughter loves to hear this story, especially at bedtime. After having her, I would send her to the nursery to allow me to sleep at night, then they would call me, "Mrs. Cox?" "Yes?" I would reply." Your daughter is hungry, would you like to sleep and have us feed her or bring her to you?"  My response was "bring her to me! Please!" After I hung up the phone, I would sit up, fix my pillows, fluff my hair and get ready for my girl. I can still hear this now, that cart being pushed down the hallway, the thumps as it hit the certain parts in the floor. It was getting closer and the excitement within me, oh,  I just couldn't contain. As that cart came near, the beat of my heart sped up until I had her in my arms. It was like Christmas Morning as a child. Do not give up on those dreams. This story one day will be told to me, in that same fashion, with the same emphasis on just those certain words by her when I am old.  I just know that although a lot will be forgotten to me then, that feeling will permeate my being. We read a book that was given to Camille by one of our Junior Miss daughters, Marianna and it is titled, "Love you Forever" by Munsch/McGraw. I urge every parent of a small child to go purchase this book. We sing the song to one another almost nightly, and one day she will sing to me as I am old, then she will share with her child one day. This is a must have for everyone! 

This certain dream of mine will be taken with me til my last moments here on Earth and although there are other dreams that will fall away to the wayside as they should. I am still striving to obtain other dreams in my life that will perhaps take their place. Do not be afraid of our delays, remember, the nine months is there for a purpose. Try to enjoy the moments of that dream(s) becoming reality.

This is the Wonderment of Life....