HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

Sipping on my Bulletproof Coffee savoring as if a fine wine, the warmth soothing to my body as it is bitter cold here in the South. Pops of a roaring fire from my fireplace orchestrate a melody resounding that Mr. Winter has decided to visit a spell. Relishing in the delightful hue of lights of My Christmas Tree  as it beautifully showcases my ornaments as a work of art. I travel in time to places once visited or to moments shared with someone gifting me that particular ornament as they speak to me, moving me with more than their external beauty.  Powerful moments of reflection as these moments remind me of Hallmark times forgotten. I giggle at all the quips I have seen, those that talk of all that time between Christmas and New Years and chuckle every single time. I have also forgotten what day of the week it was or found myself in a blur of lull. Realizing in these moments of still and quiet, of losing myself in the here and now I am not thirsty and wanting, moreover;  I am basking in an oasis and find fullfilment. Lull is a hiatus, a break, a pause, an interval from the busy norm. Christmas takes it out of me every single year. I think my body is in detox from all the endorphins that were full of Merriment. Liken to gearing up for the big football bowl game you have been engulfed with it is liken to that morning after. We all experience them on different levels and contrasting variables however we all know that moment of now what?! Taking my hiatius if you will after experiencing what my days from being a teenage Daughter claims was her Favorite Christmas, I took my time and as in working out changing the interval level, I did just that this week to prep me for New Years. I have written in past blogs on Resolutions, New Years, and my favorite; my book of 2017. As Chapter Twelve is coming to a close I embrace these moments ever so tightly. Realizing the beauty and wonder these find me in, engulfed in feeling ever so effervesent as the bubbles in our Champagne flute dance with delight, so do these last moments of this year. 

Day 364 of 365 for me is a bittersweet reflection. I see before me the things I did not accomplish or excel at. I also see the things I did and the changes this year brought into my life and I marvel at these all realizing how each moment was a piece to the puzzle, of the bigger picture I was unable to see at the time.  Most importantly looking back over my life book of this past year, I am given the invaluable gift of seeing the struggles and hardships and how now I stand taller and stronger because of them.  I am able to look back as wisdom whispers ever so softly that Life is so much more than one mind could ever perceive or heart would ever be able to contain or possibly Dream. With a heart overflowing with gratitude and love for all of my moments this past year I expect at Midnight to be one of great emotion. The irony of moments throughout my life in which it seemed I had failed, now looking back gauging upon the now I am able to see how I possibly could not, would not be able to Dream the Dreams I have now without those moments I was merely wishing away.  I love seeing all the posts and I am inspired by the peoples passion I follow for living and relishing in all they experienced. Fired up and Power packed adrenaline surges for their New Year and wishes to all who read it. As I sit with my notebook examining resolutions from the past, I cannot help but react with a glimmer in my eye and a smile so mischievious that the ole sly fox is jealous. Wonderment consumes me transporting me into the vast unknown, liken to the astronauts as they take flight into the great vast world while we often times consume ourselves on the small and somewhat petty issues at hand not realizing that our focus becomes reduced and we are inefficient in not only achieving our Dreams and Goals but overachieving becomes reduced to getting by.  As my pen becomes fueled with Magical flair I am delirious when I realize before me is a blank sheet of paper waiting on me. Life is waiting on me. 

I realize I often speak of my Daughter, however her life and my job as her Mother showers me with invaluable nuggets of truth. The relevance of stages in our lives and in pursuit of our Dreams will often not come until we are ready. As I grow older, I am forced to learn to embrace this period of time necessary to allow myself to flourish in ways necessary to be responsible and equipped. How many times have we had our children beg us for things that simply was not their time and the unexplainable mystery of why it is not time is relevent to us when going after our Resolutions and Dreams as well. This picture will be framed and a given reminder for when I miss it with her and also to encourage me to keep going and never give up to dare to follow my Heart. I mentioned in a previous blog about her being on the JV Girls Golf team it was one of those moments I went all in following only my heart and gut with her challenging me all along the way. There were the moments I struggled; it was intense. I was debating and doubting myself asking close friends was I wrong to push her. For Christmas she received a new set of clubs and her High School names bag she will use on the jv team. Understanding my Daughter went out for the tennis team and I believe life would have been just fine had she had made the team. It was one of life's lessons when her friends made it except for her and she took in stride. This is where I saw her all along within the helm of my soul. It has been such an invaluable ridiculously phenomenal joy (and relief) to watch her unfold. Her reasons for challenging me and refusing this notion were figments of her imagination. Ideas and ideals that she has learned were not true and her confidence is growing emitting a beautiful fragrance as a field of flowers. My Daughter learned and taught her Mother lessons to reflect on for times to come. As I mentioned she stated this was her Favorite Christmas but what I didn't share was us on Christmas Night with my Family. While we dined on a Feliz Navidad Menu, My Daughter, Camille went around the table asking everyone what was their most special gift. Want to take a gander at what she had to say? Everyone at the table errupted in cheers, clapping and hooting with emotion so intense it was spewing from her as a gyser. 

As we bask in the last hours of this year may we take the time to look over our lists and measure them with our Hearts. May we all raise our glass and erase the negative notions that people, society itself and most of all ourselves try to sway our Passion. With a heart full of Gratitude as I sing Old Lang Syne I am overcome with thankfulness of all of life's experiences this past year and the many years before. The Wonderment of Life is what is to come and the ability to not only Dream the Impossible but to live them. 

Happy Merry New Year xoxo 

I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

Working out today Micheal Jackson's Don't Stop til you Get Enough came on and in a moment it is as if I appeared on the red carpet as the velvet rope was opening for me as the door opened  the door man smiled calling me by name. He said they had been waiting for me to arrive. It was my very own Studio 54 the lights were dim; allowing the inside warmth to embrace me. Lights flickered from all directions harmoniously in sync with the music that played. Everyone there was friendly smiling as if we knew one another knodding our heads some lifting their hands to wave exchanging conversations between our hearts and souls without a word being uttered. I was drawn to the dance floor moving simultaneously to the beat of the music that played. I looked up as if the melody placed a finger under my chin and the D.J. and I smiled at one another. I found myself picking up a headset, putting it on and adjusting the controls before me. Allowing the beat to drive my mood to keep this party going as to choose the given tunes to keep the energy strong within our midst. I liken this to Life and our daily drive to Dream. What is poignant to me in this instance and M.J.'s song, we have the opportunity to say what is enough.  Not our situations, circumstances, friends nor bystanders. Most importantly, our feelings alone are not in authority, liken as to be our workout partner and hold us responsible. Imagine being in the midst of an intense workout; our feelings alone might tell us to slow down or to stop because we have simply had enough. In essesence we were on the cusp of new limits and soaring new heights. 

I believe Christmas is the Grand Finale to our Year excluding New Years Eve of course. Somehow New Years got to piggy back on all this lingering Holiday embodies. I not only celebrate the birth of Jesus during this Holiday I see it as a new beginning; because of  my faith and what I believe His birth represents. I am compelled year after year to strive as the approaching New Year draws near that somehow, somewhere I am able to be more. To do more. That somewhere in the midst of it all, it no longer is able to suffice. Perhaps I have experienced growth. Maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder is correct when she was quoted as saying, "We are better throughout the year for having, in Spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time." I find it an Honor to reflect upon my childhood not only with my Mom but as I stated last blog about my Grandmother's.  They presented me with that everlasting gift to enjoy and share especially during Christmas. Sometimes we reflect upon our past and want to yield a different crop. Oftentimes now my Daughter will strut her independance as the less than a month away teenager and only put a dozen ornaments on her tree in her bedroom because I pack way too many on mine. I giggle wondering how many times I must have said the same only to find myself many years later wishing I could have a manual for how these Ladies did things. All in all, may I be one of her many extremes as the points in a star for her to balance between finding what is her.  As I have overdosed this Holiday in Hallmark movies, I realize sometimes life events have caused us to close off a part of ourselves or lose our way in the Magic this Season truly holds. I think of that song It only takes a spark to get a fire going.... and soon all those around, will warm up to it's glowing. Christmas Magic is unleashed within the each of us when we emit that force to ignite all those we encounter. 

Christmas at Grannie and Papa's growing up was completely opposite of Gran and Grandaddy's. I am utterly grateful for the contrast for it found me dabbling between the two extremes in life as I am as flighty as a Bohemian gal yet grounded and rooted with the passion for depth. Christmas Eve at Grannie's was a fabulous party. My Mother is one of seven children so just their immediate family was quite the gathering. Grannie's Home was opened up to extended family friends, neighbors and friends of friends who arrived as mere strangers but always left embraced and revered as Family. I always found this utterly charming and endearing. These Grandparents lived about three and half hours away in Panama City, Florida and as we drew closer my Heart would anticipate and long for how the evening would go. As an old comfy sweater or worn in blue jeans or jacket, it was soothing not only to reminise on these times but being in the midst; for it was Home. I can still smell her Home after all of these years and hear the chatterings of the people that stood shoulder to shoulder filling their spacious home. Being led by the aroma from the foods that lined her table spilling over and flooding her kitchen. I would step up into her dining room out of the living room there was more food than imaginable. Year after Year the recipes you grew fond of anticipating beautifully displayed before you, sighing as eyes closed as that first taste of Christmas hit your palate.  Grannie always got up and performed a childhood skit from somewhere in her youth. The piano was played by an aunt where another would help lead us in carols. My uncles would gather and sing quartet. All was Merry and Bright. Laughter and Joy were in attendance in big measure. We have Dance Parties on Christmas Night with my Family it has become Tradition gifted by Grannie from Christmas with her and making it my own as I celebrate me Home. To this day I stay up til the wee hours in the morning dancing in my kitchen,  baking Family favorites from my Grannie's; each year adding to the list. In an instant I am a child again. However there is more, I am looking into the most beautiful pool of blue eyes that I am imparting this sense of Wonder. The Wonderment of Life is never stopping or believing and in this Season, in the Spirit of a child; to lose ourselves in Christmas Magic at every age. 


Amy Grant sings these lyrics and my gift to you, My Grown Up Christmas List. 
Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown up now
and still need help somehow
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream.
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas List
Not for myself, but for a world in need
No more lives torn apart,
Then wars would never start
and time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win 
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown-up Christmas List 
Merry Merry xoxo

PRANCE AND DANCE

Sitting on the floor of my attic drinking in the Christmas decorations that surround me, savoring as a fine wine as if I am swirling my glass then inhaling, indulging in the aroma of the wine then sipping, allowing it to slip through my lips swirling in my mouth noting the body and bouquet,  determining if it is more complexed or is there that sense of elegance and completeness which is the hallmark of a great wine calling it balanced. I gaze over all these decorations allowing them to speak to me to inspire my being as to how to showcase them; deciding what will make the cut this year and what will I leave stored. With my Daughter an official teenager next month I have a growing portion that she has undoubtably outgrown, I feel my heart tingle as I pick up a few and as if the doorman ushered me into the days of old it is liken to a slideshow playing in my mind my chest warms and the tears well up as I smile from deep within my being. Reflecting not only of my Daughter's Christmases but of my own as well as this time of year for in my world you have Jesus' Birthday, Santa Claus, Mom, my Daughter and my two Grandmother's. Gran was the epitomy of Christmas Magic in live form. These Grandparents of mine lived away, so we didn't get to see them often but when you did they were filled with moments to last a lifetime. I believe it is predominantly because of her Heart. She wore it out there on her sleeve loud and proud. She was a tiny little woman short and weighing about eighty five pounds and truly a gift to me in every way. She poured herself into me from baking with me to marathon telephone talks since I was a toddler, to letters by the truckload writing me stories of her daily things that came to mind drawing me into her world with every letter drawn. Wooing me with her playful spunky personality she made the mondane extraordinary. 

Gran's letters were mostly of walking to the market with one of her Sisters and her daily routines that filled her day but she was taking me with her all the while unbeknowst to me, she was pouring into me that desire to write because of my escapades with her through her letters. Distance was no longer an issue instantly we were drawn together in the most beautiful of ways; from our Hearts as she was sharing with me what is my greatest passion today, my Home. Not to be confused with my House, and although I love my House dearly; Home is my Heart. Gran beautifully lived out the saying, Home is where the Heart is. She was Home to me and still is today. My Daughter and I now make ornaments like Gran used to and I bake in excess having all night baking sessions dancing and singing in the kitchen and I know Gran is in every move I make. Growing up I cannot recall one Christmas present I ever received from her purchased, but she is Christmas to me and fuels my passion of this Season beckoning as she whispers within the smallest of things for they became mighty as they were fueled with all her Soul. We would receive care packages from Gran at Christmas, filled with canned pickles, jams, jellies, candies, cookies, homemade dolls and ornaments and the like of these things.  The value on her carepackages were immense and still hold high as the best gifting. At Christmas we can easily lose our way if we are not careful as in daily life itself and miss the treasure of the moment by being real and authentic while moving by the very rhythm of our own heartbeat and impact others as my Gran. 

Notice in these pictures both Gran and my Mom have their eyes on us in every picture and I find myself noting they are on either side of us, surrounding us as if by design.  They were honed in like my favorite song by Chase Rice, "Eyes on You" channeling their very souls pouring out as that fine blended wine. "I was waiting on something exceptional," is one of my favorite lines in a beloved movie.  Exceptional defined is surpassing what is common, usual or expected.  We have just a few more weeks in Chapter Twelve of the Year 2017. There is still time to dust off those Resolutions and Dreams that were inside of you around this time last year and undoubtably a few new ones. What a gift for yourself to reflect and revamp where needed. As we beautify our Homes with the glow of lights and beloved smells of the best time of the year,allow yourself to drift back to the days of old and see just what life has taught you. Moreover, what people have taught you and shaped your being without realizing you were even under construction.  The Wonderment of Life is  realizing that the exceptional are moments intensified with our very being exuding such raw and undeniable realness that transforms the common into the uncommon. People are our greatest gifts and I believe that everyone is placed purposefully in our paths liken to the journey to Oz. Dorothy while following her Dream came across the others not by mere chance. These days are full of wonder and Magic they are in all of the songs, the movies, it is the twinkle in the eye of every one you meet. My Grandmother's taught me that Christmas Magic lives way beyond childhood and they lived it out until their final days and shared with us their families the best present to believe and relish in Christmas Magic. 

I will share about my Grannie next blog irronically polar opposite but perfection implored as they graced my life and gave me the gift that keeps on giving for a lifetime. We would alternate Christmas with the each of them and today my Christmas season is intertwined with the beauty of the both of these souls. As you sit by your fire and bask in the beauty of this Season, take a trip within your own soul and unleash that force within you that was designed to run free full of meaning to be felt. What is it you truly want to feel and see this Christmas? As I always say this time of year, anything is possible if you believe....  Turn this song up to ten, I guarantee you will be dancing and showering those all around you with your own magic... the perfect gift, your very heart and soul.
                                Merry Merry xoxo